Friday Funsies: Ranking The Joestars in Order From Worst to Best (Happy 58th Birthday to Hirohiko Araki!)

I’m not sure how timezones work, but June 7 was yesterday in my country, and I forgot to make this post, so here’s my belated dedication post to one of my favorite mangaka and local anime god, Hirohiko Araki!

Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure is one of my all-time favorite series, both the anime AND the manga, and all of them star a Joestar from the infamous Joestar family bloodline. So, in this list, I will be ranking all the named Joestars from, in my own opinion, best to “worst”, and I will only be counting the mainline Joestars. Keep in mind, worst does not mean bad. It just means less developed, or I personally don’t like them over some of the other choices on this list. I also will focus more on their personalities and character instead of just their stands or powersets.

Again, I cannot stress enough that this is just my opinion, and you are welcome to challenge it! I love discussion, it breeds wisdom or something, I don’t know, just argue with me for who’s best JoJo.

8. Josuke Higashikata (Part 8)

The simple answer to his position on the list is that Josuke’s story isn’t finished yet, and so, I cannot in good faith rate him any higher than this since I haven’t read much JoJolion lately. However, his design is fantabulous, and his personality as a goofster is very fun. He also has an interesting story set for development, because of his amnesia and I have a bias for any Josuke, so he gets this spot on the list. He MAY get higher once his story is done, but for now, we simply don’t know everything in his story to judge him yet.

7. Jonathan Joestar (Phantom Blood)

TO BE COMPLETELY FAIR TO JONATHAN, he did have the shortest storyline of the main Joestars, and his role in the story is literally just to set-up Parts 2 and 3 for the future. Jonathan was a big dude, with an even bigger heart. But that’s about it, honestly. He was a classic gentleman fighter, but he wasn’t particularly clever or weird like the rest of his family. He’s a simple and straightforward hero character, with the simplest design in the series, and he works much better as a legendary ancestor than a protagonist. He DOES however have the amazing feat of beating Dio all by himself without any other power except Hamon, and his victory over his villain, unlike some of his descendants (*cough* Jotaro and Joseph,*cough*) was totally fair and by his own skill, not an asspull or plain luck.

6. Jotaro Kujo (Stardust Crusaders)

One word: E D G E L O R D

I highly disliked Jotaro Cujo as a protagonist during Part 3. When you compare him to the goofy and bombastic Joseph Joestar of Battle Tendency, and the gentleman fighter Jonathan, Jotaro is just some punk who luckily got a really strong and fast stand. Everything he says is either brooding or an insult, and it gets grating fast. Not only that, even though he can be cunning, most of his battles tend to be solved by punching it harder and faster than before. There’s not much mind games at play when the only thing he needs to do is get close to his opponent to beat them, which makes for a lot of boring fights that rely on brute force, and in fights where he is losing, Star Platinum simply gets a bullshit ability to overcome it.

However, just because I dislike his personality and stand doesn’t mean he’s not an interesting character in his own way. The reason for his edgy and delinquent behavior from what I deduced basically boils down to the fact that Jotaro is actually a huge dork. I mean, he mimicks his mannerisms and speech from detective books and shows, constantly spouts out cheesy manga/comic book one-liners, and grows up to be a marine biologist. He just so happens to also have inherited the blood of the Joestar heritage, the big and buff dudes with sun powers and punch ghosts. Compared to most of the other Joestars, who are all pretty sociable people, he’s actually quite meek. He wasn’t cut out to be the main protagonist of an entire volume though.

As a side note, I still love his and Star Platinum’s design, and Part 4 Jotaro onwards is a much better character thanks to being a mentor more than a protagonist.

5. Jolyne Cujo

Jolyne is the very first female Joestar, and she proves that gender doesn’t matter when it comes to kicking ass. A female Joestar means Araki can finally make a fashionably badass outfit for the female form, and the skimpy, web-like dress she has on actually looks great at first sight, and not silly like Giorno’s outfit does (which you just get used to). Jolyne has the same abrasive, asshole personality as her father Jotaro, but what she does have that Part 3 Jotaro didn’t was a proper explanation for that angst, and the fact that she doesn’t stay as an angsty teenager throughout the entirety of Part 6 like Jotaro did for Part 3.

Funnily enough, another thing I like about her is something she doesn’t have from her father, which is a bullshit stand. Her stand, Stone Free, has the ability to turn her body and itself into a very strong stringlike material. So, unlike Star Platinum, Stone Free cannot just rely on overpowering force or speed, and instead, it has to be used creatively. Couple that with some friends who actually help actively during the fight instead of just watching and commenting, and Jolyne is a solid JoJo. Just not as fun or developed enough as the top 4 are, unfortunately.

4. Johnny Joestar

Johnny Joestar’s probably one of the most handicapable protagonists I’ve ever seen. Despite his loss of the use of the Joestar secret family technique (Nigerundayo!), Johnny proves he doesn’t need legs to be one of the most fun combatants in the entire series, without stealing everybody’s thunder like Jotaro or Joseph does. He starts out as a bit more quiet and abrasive, but slowly grows into one of the most well-developed characters in the series. The reason why he doesn’t break into the top 3 is simply because of the fact that so much of his character relies on the other, even more amazing protagonist, Gyro Zepelli. However, his cunning that he uses with his seemingly “weak” stand Tusk (whose ability amounts to shooting your nails at high speeds), his relationship with Gyro Zepelli, and his eventual growth lands him the spot at #4.

3. Giorno Giovanna

I was surprised that I rated Giorno so highly on this list, I legitimately wasn’t planning on it, I was just writing stuff out about the characters as I went along. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s as kind and compassionate to his allies like Jonathan is, but also vicious and ruthless as Dio to his enemies. Maybe it’s the fact that he has some of the best mindgames-style stand battles in the series. Maybe after hearing “ORAORAORAORAORA” for so long, “MUDAMUDAMUDA” is so refreshing.

Whatever it is about our twink mafia wannabe godfather, he’s still one of the best embodiments of what a JoJo protagonist should be. He has a powerful but also versatile stand with plenty of application, and his personality has a little bit of goofiness, a little bit of rudeness, but a lot of cunning towards their enemies and compassion for the innocent.

2. Josuke Higashikata

Josuke is pretty much everything I like about Jotaro and Joseph as characters, without the asshole tendencies. He has the smarts and the goofiness, but is also friendly and sociable instead of snarky and abrasive. It says a lot about Josuke that he has, by far, the most friends out of any Joestar that are relevant to the plot, and at least half those friends have tried to kill him at some point. He is also the first Joestar who doesn’t have to deal with some world-ending threat. His story is scaled down, planting more focus on character development and lengthier but more satisfying stand battles.

Plus, his stand, Crazy Diamond, is hands down my favorite stand. It is a stand that is built for support. It fits Josuke’s personality perfectly, because he works best when he is paired with another person who can take advantage of his healing abilities. However, in this strength also lies Josuke’s greatest fault. Just as I harshly judged Johnny’s reliance on Gyro as a protagonist, Josuke also needs the Duwang Gang to be at his full potential, both power and character-wise. So, while he is my personal favorite Jojo from my favorite part, as a standalone, he isn’t as capable as the one above him by himself, which is his father-

1. Joseph Joestar

Admit it, it was Battle Tendency that made you start loving Jojo as a first time fan. It’s by no means the best part, but it is certainly when things started getting bizarre! Joseph is the first taste we get of how insane JoJo can get, and he delivers perfectly on that front. He’s loud, obnoxious, and downright loveable, and every single one of his battles combines hype martial arts with mind games galore. From his first actual fight with Straizo, he shows how different he is from Jonathan, as he uses every dirty trick in the book to beat his opponents, all the while smack-talking them to get them off their game.

Is his every move calculated and part of some grand plan, or is he just really good at improvising on the spot? That’s the question literally everybody who knows him, friend or foe, asks themselves. Sure, he does most of the work by himself, and sure, some of his battles might seem like asspulls, but that all works because it works for Joseph as a character. When things luckily go his way, he grandstands and says it’s part of his plan to make the opponent falter even further. When he’s in a tough spot, which is rare, he makes a show about how he expected that to happen and stalls until he can make a counterplan. He’s the dictionary definition for the devilish rogue. Honestly, his fights are all just plain fun to watch, and he is still the most funny Joestar by himself. So, it is with overpowering charisma and smarts, that Joseph Joestar wins the top spot on this list.

Did you agree or disagree with the rankings? Are you now undergoing an alcohol-induced coma? Let me know in the comments below!

26 thoughts on “Friday Funsies: Ranking The Joestars in Order From Worst to Best (Happy 58th Birthday to Hirohiko Araki!)

  1. I’m sorry, but you can’t put Jotaro anywhere but the top two slots. He is liked by to many people and what involved in four parts because he was so popular.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Just because he’s liked by many people doesn’t mean I personally do. If it was part 4 Jotaro? Sure, but he’s not the main JoJo by then.

      As I mentioned, this is all purely my opinion.

      Like

      1. OK you don´t like him and why does YOUR opinion matter all of a sudden he´s liked by people and…. Leave it be.

        Like

      2. My opinion matters as much as yours. Make your own list if it bothers you so much. Not being rude, just saying, this is my opinion and a list I made for a fun post.

        Nothing’s stopping you. I put out my own reasons for not putting Jotaro near the top spot in favor of other JoJos.

        Like

  2. I love Joseph Joestar, and I agree with your list for the most part. I’m a big Johnny Fangirl, though, so I would have placed Johnny a bit higher. JOSEPH IS THE BEST JOESTAR.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. k it depends power or prestige like in power jotaro destroys all, but for personality it depends on your taste. its kinda confusing since at the beginning, its power based and at the end, its favorite based. P.S
      some people might argue the girino could defeat jotaro with gold requim, but yeahhhhhhh thats probally not gonna happen

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Good lord, this was posted on June 8 2018, but the most recent comment was yesterday? Anyways, a few things about Jotaro’s spot, I don’t mind that you dislike him, or maybe you don’t dislike him, but the reasoning you used for why Jotaro isn’t the best isn’t that good.
    1. Battles are not just solved by “punching harder and faster than before” otherwise Jotaro would easily destroy everyone. Did you not see Steely Dan, or the fight with Dio? It wasn’t just punch harder and faster, Jotaro’s magnet trick was REALLY smart, he outwitted Dio. And with Steely Dan, he couldn’t punch him at all, until The Lovers was out of Joseph’s head. I could go on and on about how Jotaro doesn’t just win fights by punching harder and faster, Yellow Temperance, D’arby Elder and Younger, even Anubis, who was progressively swinging a sword harder and faster than Star Platinum’s fists. Jotaro’s battle strategy’s are amazing, and it’s always exciting to see how the Stardust Crusaders manage to win a fight when things are looking grim, which is why I’m a little confused on your way of thinking about Jotaro and his fighting skill, also the fights in part 3 in general.

    Like

  4. 2. Everything he says is either brooding or an insult huh? D’arby Elder, the greatest gambler in the world, had claimed both Polnareff and Joseph’s (that’s right, the one and only battle genius Joseph Joestar) soul, leaving Jotaro to face D’arby in a game of poker, which happens to be D’arby Elder’s best game. Yet somehow, D’arby elder loses, but why? Jotaro’s amazing intimidation, that’s why. A remarkable trait about Jotaro, is just how intimidating he can be, and how calm he is in certain situations (just like Joseph Joestar, hmmm!) Has Jotaro insulted people? Yes. Has he brooded before? Brooding can have two meanings, appearing darkly menacing, and showing deep umhapiness of thought. Yeah, Jotaro has brooded before. But just remember, that’s not ALL he does, and I think it’s cool that Jotaro just doesn’t give a damn sometimes, and out of no where, he calmly states a sentence that pretty much means that he’s about to win.

    Like

    1. I appreciate the comment, but I made this list like two years ago and I was quite new to JoJo. Any criticisms you’ve thrown, I’ve actually already thought about and agree with you on
      . Maybe when I make a remastered list, I’ll bring these to mind, but the positives of my top JoJos still outweight Jotaro’s, who I think is just kind of bland in Part 3. He’s much cooler in Part 4.

      Like

  5. Uh I have to say my fav Jojo is Jolyne. But I can understand why Joseph on first, but for me jolyne is better and I’m soooooo HYPED for the sixth season as an Anime.

    Like

  6. Very fair list. The only difference I would make is I would rank Jotaro slightly higher. In my opinion, he was exactly what the franchise needed at that moment after the ‘wild’ Joseph. His character is a good contrast to Joseph’s, and throughout the part I found his battles to be funny and interesting (however I do admit he often won luckily). The reason he worked well for me is also because of how he interacts and works with the cast around him. I understand this is solely ranking the JoJo’s alone however. I woudn’t put him top spot, but I would move him higher. Great list though and great reasoning, was a good read 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s